At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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