dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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