these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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