Umm I'm too high to move.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
