well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
