i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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