Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
