The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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