god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
