he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
