I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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