I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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