my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
