in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
