"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
