Banned from zoo.
Again?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
