Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
