There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
