Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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