the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
