i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
