walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
