When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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