Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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