I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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