Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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