he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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