Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
