Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
