You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
thus making me awesome and them whores
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
