It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
