i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
