shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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