Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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