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• (443): View more from Maryland

  She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?

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