My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
