He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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