I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
