): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
