Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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