Got a toothbrush?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
