Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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