Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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