What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
