His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
