What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
