What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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