went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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