Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
