i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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