Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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