this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
