if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
